A little Humor

[lalakai]

GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:

1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats..
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.

[rat31465]

QUOTE=lalakai;GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:

1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.. How many of us have tried this one?
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.Had 5-sisters at home so I can relate to this one.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.Trustworthy my eye.
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time. Lol
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.[/QUOTE)My two year old Grandson has learned this.

[Irish]

Catholic guy goes into the confessional box. He notices on one wall a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest Cuban cigars. Then the priest comes in.....

"Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting these days."
The priest replies "Get out. You're on my side."

[Irish]

This was thoughtful..........



Ft. Worth Police today reported finding a John Doe male body in the Trinity River.....
The victim apparently drowned due to excessive beer consumption. He was
wearing black fishnet stockings, a red garter belt, a strap-on dildo, an Obama t-shirt,
and had a cucumber stuffed up his ass.

The police thoughtfully removed the Obama t-shirt to spare his family any
unnecessary embarrassment.

MODS: If deemed inappropriate please delete.

[Business_Casual]

They say celebrities go in threes. Well, leave it to Billy Mays to throw in an extra one COMPLETELY FREE!!!

[ToddG]

[Irish]

In honor of the 44th President of the United States , Baskin-Robbins
Ice Cream has introduced a new flavor: " Barocky Road ."

Barocky Road is a blend of half vanilla, half chocolate, and surrounded
by nuts and flakes. The vanilla portion of the mix is not openly
advertised and usually denied as an ingredient.

The nuts and flakes are all very bitter and hard to swallow.

The cost is $100.00 per scoop.

When purchased it will be presented to you in a large beautiful cone,
but then the ice cream is taken away and given to the person in line
behind you. Thus you are left with an empty wallet, no change, holding
an empty cone, with no hope of getting any ice cream.

Are you feeling stimulated?

[Oscar 319]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YersI...eature=related

Shove the remote up your ass, that'll teach mom!

[Erk1015]

It's 1947

Some of you will recall that on July 8, 1947, a little over 60 years ago, witnesses claim that an unidentified flying object with five aliens aboard crashed onto a sheep and mule ranch outside Roswell, New Mexico. This is a well known incident that many say has long been covered up by the U.S. Air Force and other federal agencies.

What you may NOT know is that in April of 1948, nine months after that historic day, the following people were born:

Albert A Gore, Jr.
Hillary Rodham
John F Kerry
William J Clinton
Howard Dean
Nancy Pelosi
Dianne Feinstein
Charles E Schumer
Barbara Boxer

See what happens when aliens breed with sheep and jackasses.

[rat31465]

In honor of the 44th President of the United States , Baskin-Robbins
Ice Cream has introduced a new flavor: " Barocky Road ."

Barocky Road is a blend of half vanilla, half chocolate, and surrounded
by nuts and flakes. The vanilla portion of the mix is not openly
advertised and usually denied as an ingredient.

The nuts and flakes are all very bitter and hard to swallow.

The cost is $100.00 per scoop.

When purchased it will be presented to you in a large beautiful cone,
but then the ice cream is taken away and given to the person in line
behind you. Thus you are left with an empty wallet, no change, holding
an empty cone, with no hope of getting any ice cream.

Are you feeling stimulated?